Frequently Asked Questions

Possibly. In cases of past or current domestic abuse, the mediator will carefully assess (in the MIAM and ongoing) whether it’s appropriate and safe to proceed with mediation. If both parties are willing and the mediator believes that measures can ensure safety and fairness (for example, shuttle mediation or extra ground rules), then mediation might proceed with caution. However, if the abuse issues make fair negotiation impossible or safety cannot be assured, the mediator will deem the case unsuitable for mediation and direct you to alternative routes (you would be exempt from the MIAM requirement in this situation).

Safety is the absolute priority in any mediation format. Explore how Joint and Shuttle Mediation provide different structural safeguards for participants in high-conflict situations.

Mediators are trained to prevent and manage any manipulative, threatening or intimidating behavior during sessions. If you feel uncomfortable meeting together, the mediator can keep you apart – either in separate rooms or via separate video calls (shuttle mediation) – so you don’t have to face your ex directly. The mediator remains alert to power imbalances and will intervene if anyone tries to bully the other; if necessary, they will pause or terminate the mediation to protect participants from any harm or unfair pressure.

Preventing intimidation is not just about comfort; it is about the legal validity of your agreement. Understand the risks of Illusory Consent and Signing Under Pressure.

Children do not usually attend mediation sessions, but their needs and wishes are very much considered. If appropriate and if both parents (and the child) consent, a mediator trained in Child-Inclusive Mediation can speak with the child separately to hear their views. The child’s feedback would then be shared (with the child’s permission) in the mediation to help inform your decisions – however, the children do not make the decisions, and the parents remain responsible for agreeing on arrangements that are in the children’s best interests.

Retaining responsibility for your children’s arrangements prevents an external court order from dictating your family’s future. Review the Risks of the Court Process to understand what happens when a judge makes these decisions for you.

Mediation can help you agree on all aspects of co-parenting after separation. Common topics include where the children will live and how much time they spend with each parent, holiday arrangements, education choices, and how you will make important decisions about the children together. You can also address specific concerns like introducing new partners, arrangements for special occasions (birthdays, Christmas), or how to handle handovers – basically any parenting issue that matters to you both can be discussed and resolved in mediation.

Complex parenting discussions require a process that minimises conflict and maximises focus. Explore how Joint and Shuttle Mediation provide different frameworks for resolving sensitive co-parenting issues.

The mediator will help you explore different options and encourage you to focus on the children’s needs to find common ground. If you’re unable to reach an agreement through mediation, you may need to seek legal advice and ask the court to decide – the mediator will sign the necessary form to enable a court application. Even if mediation doesn’t produce a full agreement, it often narrows the issues and improves communication, which can make any later court process smoother.

Moving from a private discussion to a court-imposed decision changes the entire dynamic of your divorce. Before you proceed, ensure you understand the Financial and Procedural Risks of the Court Process.

Yes. Financial support for children (child maintenance) can be discussed and agreed as part of mediation. You can tailor the amount and frequency of payments to suit your family’s circumstances – the mediator might provide general information about the Child Maintenance Service guidelines, but it’s up to you to agree on a figure that you both feel is fair. Any child maintenance agreement reached can be written into your mediated settlement; it can remain a private family arrangement or be made into a formal consent order for added enforceability.

To ensure your financial arrangements are enforceable, you must move from a private agreement to a court-sanctioned document. Learn how to Turn Mediation Outcomes into Legally Binding Orders.

Yes – full financial disclosure from both of you is a cornerstone of mediation in financial cases. This means you’ll each share details and evidence of all assets (like house value, savings, investments), all pensions, incomes, and debts. The mediator will typically ask you to fill in a financial statement or workbook and exchange documents like bank statements, mortgage balances, pension valuations, etc. This open exchange of information is necessary so that any financial agreement you reach is based on complete and accurate facts.

The move from ‘estimates’ to ‘verified facts’ is the most important step in securing your future. Review why Amicable Settlements Can Still Carry Financial Risk when formal disclosure is bypassed.

A CETV is an estimate of a pension’s value. However, it may not represent the true worth of the benefits. For this reason, you should treat CETVs with caution. This is because CETV calculations make assumptions that can undervalue features like guaranteed lifetime income increases and spousal benefits – so a pension with a low CETV might actually provide a much larger income in retirement than a similar-sized pot of cash. In mediation, you should treat CETVs with caution and consider getting expert financial advice; mediators will facilitate discussion but cannot advise on the “real” value of a pension.

Accepting a CETV without professional scrutiny is a common cause of ‘settlement velocity’—where speed is prioritized over long-term security. Review the Financial Risks of Fast Divorce Settlements to understand why pension complexity requires a measured approach.

Yes, pension offsetting is possible – it means one of you keeps more of the pension while the other keeps more of another asset (for example, the house) to balance things out. For instance, instead of splitting a pension, you might agree that one spouse retains their entire pension fund and the other receives a larger share of the equity in the family home or a lump sum. It’s a way to trade off assets, but care is needed to ensure the exchange is fair: £1 in a pension is not always equal to £1 in cash today (tax implications and the true pension value should be considered). Mediators will help you explore offsetting if you both want that, and they may suggest you get advice from a financial adviser or actuary to calculate a fair offset figure.

The success of an offsetting agreement depends on the quality of your data. Learn how the Timing of Financial Disclosure impacts your ability to calculate a fair trade-off between assets.

If one of you has acquired new assets or income after you separated, it’s up to you both to decide how to treat those in mediation. Often, money or property gained post-separation can be viewed as that person’s own and not part of the “matrimonial pot,” especially if a significant time has passed since you split. However, there’s no hard rule – if the other spouse has greater needs or if fairness requires it, some of that new wealth can still be taken into account by agreement. The mediator will ensure full disclosure of any post-separation assets, and you can negotiate whether to share or ring-fence them, possibly taking legal advice on how a court might view those assets.

Determining whether an asset is ‘matrimonial’ often depends on the date of your financial snapshot. Review how the Timing of Financial Disclosure can impact which assets are included in your final negotiation pot.

You are not required to have a solicitor during mediation, but it’s often wise to get independent legal advice alongside the mediation process. A solicitor can advise you on your legal rights and what a fair outcome might be, and they can turn your final mediated agreement into a legally binding form (such as a consent order). Many clients attend mediation on their own, then consult a solicitor in between sessions or to review any draft agreement – this combination ensures you have the benefit of legal advice without having solicitors direct the negotiations.

The window between a mediation proposal and a final signature is your primary window for protection. Understand Why the Timing of Signing Your Agreement Matters when coordinating with your legal advisor.

The cost of mediation is usually charged by the hour or per session, and typically both parties split the costs equally (though you can agree on another arrangement). Mediation is generally far cheaper than each of you hiring lawyers and going to court – as a guide, family mediators in the UK may charge around £120-£150 per person per hour, but rates vary. If you are on a low income or receiving certain benefits, you might qualify for Legal Aid which covers the cost of mediation (and even the initial MIAM) for eligible parties. Additionally, there is a government voucher scheme at times to subsidise mediation for child arrangements – your mediator will inform you if any such help is available.

The way you pay for your resolution can influence the speed of your settlement. Explore Outcome-Led vs Process-Led Settlements to see which financial model aligns with your goals.

Not automatically. Any agreement you reach in mediation is not a legally enforceable order at that stage – it’s essentially a mutual understanding. The mediator will usually write up your proposals in a document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU), and if it’s a financial case, they may also produce an Open Financial Statement summarising your disclosed finances. These documents can then be taken to solicitors to be turned into a Consent Order, which, once approved by a court, makes your agreement legally binding on both of you. (For child arrangements, you can also choose to make a Parenting Plan or seek a court order if needed, though many parents stick to a written parenting agreement without court involvement.)

Moving from a mutual understanding to a court-sanctioned order is a precise legal process. Discover the exact steps for Turning Mediation Outcomes into Legally Binding Orders to ensure your agreement is permanent and protected.

At the conclusion of mediation, if you’ve reached agreements, the mediator will provide a few summary documents. The main one is a Memorandum of Understanding, which is a written summary of all the proposals you’ve agreed on (in plain English, not legal jargon). For financial matters, you will also get an Open Financial Statement listing all the assets, liabilities, incomes, and other financial details that were disclosed – this record is open (not confidential) so it can be shown to solicitors or a court. These documents are not binding by themselves, but you can take them to a lawyer to draft a consent order or formal agreement. If mediation ends without a full agreement, the mediator can issue you a statement of outcome or the signed MIAM form so you can consider next steps (like court).

If mediation does not reach a full conclusion, the mediator provides the key to the courtroom. Before you use it, ensure you are fully aware of the Financial Risks of the Court Process.